Dukkha People come from all different walks of life. There are the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the fortunate and the unlucky in life. We all share something in common though. That common thing is that we all experience suffering no matter who we are. Suffering can come in varying degrees, from the intense feelings of physical pain, to a vague sense of unsatisfactoriness in life, that there is something "missing" that we can't quite put our finger on. Unfortunately many on these forums are subject to very intense mental suffering caused by OCD.

In Pali, the language used to preserve the teachings of the Buddha, the multivalent word Dukkha is used to cover the whole spectrum of suffering. Dukkha can mean suffering, stress, unsatisfactoriness, unhappiness or depression. The word "suffering" seems to be the most appropriate for when I am experiencing an OCD spike. The study of suffering and its causes is the raison d’être of Buddhism. Because of this, Buddhism is sometimes unfairly labelled as being pessimistic. This is unfair because it is also about seeking ways to come out of suffering as well. I think it could be better described as realism instead of pessimism.

What Buddhism does do by making dukkha the centrepiece of analysis is that it encourages us to develop a new relationship to our suffering by adopting a mature attitude towards it. Suffering is a fact of life and it afflicts everybody and so we are not alone even though it feels like that sometimes. Now OCD is the cause of much dukkha for us, but we must be careful not to blame it for everything bad that happens in our lives. To do so would be an unskillful waste of our precious energy.

The Buddha called us to take full responsibility for our lives and our fortunes. I know that sometimes this feels impossible because it seems that the whole universe is conspiring to make our lives a living hell. However, it is still better for us to try to raise our head above the water and attempt to swim upstream. We are always subject to the law of cause and effect. If we try to act skillfully at all times, even when the going is tough, it will bring immeasurable benefits to us in the future.

Often it is all too easy to blame our suffering on the conditions which we find ourselves in or the events that have happened to us in the past. Without diminishing the significance of these things, we must also come to realise that as long as we defer responsibility for our thoughts to these conditions or events, we will never be truly free to live. The message of the Buddha is that we are not owned by our conditioning and past experiences, but we can choose to rise above them. This will undoubtedly take energy, effort and a lot of courage. Those who can do this, are said to lead noble lives.

The word "noble" is used a lot in Buddhism. This deserves some discussion. Back in the time of the Buddha, India had a caste system as it still does today. People were born into the caste heirarchy and were looked on and treated according to their caste. The Brahmans were of the highest or "noble" caste and were given the greatest respect by the lower castes. The Buddha saw the moral inequality of the caste system and thus created an Order in which people were all equal no matter how high or low was their birth. The Buddha said that our "nobility" depended not on our birth or our family or friends, but on the way we choose to conduct ourselves in the face of happiness and adversity.

So let us stand up and bravely acknowledge our suffering and our OCD. To acknowledge is not the same thing as resigning ourselves to the situation. To overcome an obstacle, we cannot deny its existence but we must accept its true stature. Then we can climb over it. When we take full responsibility for our lives like this, it paradoxically feels like a load has been taken off our backs. In spite of our OCD, we can become free to live our lives to our maximum potential. So we come to the first of the Four Noble Truths:

"There is suffering"
The Noble Truth of Dukkha (Unskillful Effect)


We can instantly see that the man in the picture is suffering. We do not need to read a biography of this man or even speak to him to understand the pain that he must be going through. This suffering is what we have in common with everybody on this planet, even our enemies. When we see that everybody is trying to seek happiness and to avoid this thing called suffering, we want to help them to the best of our ability. This aspiration is the seed of nobility within us which we are encouraged to nurture to its full fruition. Then we will be able to truly realise the full meaning of the noble truth of suffering.  ¶ 4:18 PM 6 comments

  The Four Noble Truths We stand today at the beginning of our path. In fact, every single day we find ourselves at the beginning, don't we? Today is the first day in the rest of our lives. For what is past is past, that we cannot change. The victories that OCD have won over us in the past stay in the past. Just because OCD has controlled us before doesn't mean that we cannot break free from its grip. It is possible. There is a way out.

In the wider context of all suffering, this was the message which the Buddha gave his followers. Yes, there is suffering with us now, there was suffering in the past. However, suffering, as with all things has a cause. Suffering can also be brought to an end and the Buddha pointed out the path to achieve this end. Today, I thought that it would be good to start our exploration of this central message of Buddhism.

In the grand scheme of things, Buddhists do not classify things as either strictly good or bad. Nothing is inherently good or bad. The distinction which Buddhists choose to make instead is that thoughts and actions can be either skillful or unskillful from the point of view of lessening our own and other people's suffering. Skillful actions are those which are intended to lead to the welfare and happiness of ourselves and others. Unskillful intentions are those which are intended to lead to the detriment and unhappiness of ourselves or others.

It is also the action and not the person which is either skillful or unskillful. Certainly, people are not innately good or bad. What a liberating insight this is for sufferers of OCD! Having obssessions doesn't make you a bad person. Acting out compulsions might not be a skillful behaviour, but our OCD has no right to make us feel like a bad person because of it. Let us keep this thought in mind. This is the skillful way to think which leads to our benefit.

Buddhists also believe in the natural law of cause and effect. All things happen because of a prior cause. Everything that you do will have a future effect. In this complex web of causes and effects which we call life, there are no certainties and we cannot be sure of desired outcomes. We cannot control what happens to ourselves or others with an absolute degree of certainty. This is echoed in the natural law of anicca (in fact, Buddhism is essentially the study of the laws of nature), which we have met before. However, what we can definitely control is the skillfulness of our intentions.

So in our worldly interactions, we have these two degrees of freedom to consider. Where the law of cause and effect is the latitude of our human experience, the skillfulness of our intentions is the longitude. These two dimensions combine in four different possibilities which are skillful causes, skillful effects, unskillful causes and lastly unskillful effects. These are listed below along with the usual way that they are presented in terms of suffering:

Unskillful Effects - "There is suffering"
Unskillful Causes - "Suffering has a cause"
Skillful Effects - "Suffering has an end"
Skillful Causes - "There is a way to end suffering"

These four groupings are known as the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. They are the core of the Buddha's teachings. They are both the start and end of the Buddhist path. If we come to fully understand these truths penetratingly, then our work is done, we can pack our bags and go home. There is no further to walk. Over the coming few weeks, lets talk about each of these noble truths in turn and how they relate to the condition of OCD.

Metta,
John


Bodhgaya, India. Prayer flags and offerings mark a direct descendent of the Bodhi Tree, the tree under which the Buddha was enlightened. Shortly after his enlightenment, the Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths to his first followers.  ¶ 8:43 PM 4 comments

  The Journey Ahead The start of the year is often a time of reflection. Also it is a time when people resolve to better themselves in some way. This is a time when dieting manuals and health club memberships sell well I would think. It seems that far less people think about improving their mental well-being which is just as important as physical health.

If you are looking around for something to help cultivate your mental energies, then you could give meditation a go. It is cheaper than the health club and it can take less time as well. If you have never done it before, I would recommend starting gently, doing about 10-20 minutes a day. I normally do some anapanasati first, followed directly by some vipassana.

You should see some immediate benefits from sitting daily. I believe it has helped me tremendously in calming my mind down generally as well as subduing my OCD symptoms. However it would be wrong to expect an immediate cure from our mental ills overnight. This takes a lot of time, energy and patience. It is better to do a small amount consistently every day than to "burn out" doing 4 fours every day but stopping after 2 weeks.

Our OCD is so strong because it has been a part of us for so long that we almost accept it as a part of us. It is good at lulling us into a false sense of comfort while at the same time it is fortifying its defences in its shelter. Now in my case, my OCD has been doing this for well over 20 years. If I was to try to dismantle its defences brick by brick, I presume that it would take me over 20 years by using undirected thought. I would probably give up in frustration long before that.

Do not be disheartened though, fortunately if done correctly, we should be able to do the job much quicker. The key is in the way that anapanasati and vipassana works. Anapanasati leads to the mastery of concentrating the mind to a laser-like focus, whilst vipassana develops our power of mindfulness and the ability to see things as they really are. Rather than using our hands to dismantle OCD's wall, it is like using a diesel-powered bulldozer to knock it down.

Even though results are sure to come with diligent practice, we must ensure that we put in the effort with our 20 minutes every day. I know that in this day and age, every minute seems to be accounted for. But the thing about meditation is that it grows on you. After a while, you will be looking to grab an extra 5 minutes here and there to increase the time. The people with the busiest schedules make the time for their meditation practice because they know how important it is to every aspect of their lives.

"Time and again the Buddha has stressed the need for effort, for diligence, exertion, and unflagging perseverance. The reason why effort is so crucial is that each person has to work out his or her own deliverance. The Buddha does what he can by pointing out the path to liberation; the rest involves putting the path into practice, a task that demands energy. This energy is to be applied to the cultivation of the mind, which forms the focus of the entire path."

Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Way to the End of Suffering

The journey ahead is one of adventure and discovery. Whatever lies on the path ahead, I know that we can cope with it. The path won't always be through a sunny rose-filled pasture, it will sometimes feel like a neverending wet and muddy dirt track. When the dark times come, let us accept their inherent nature, that they form no part of us and that they too won't last. Dukkha! Anatta! Anicca! Will you take this journey with me?

Metta,
John

  ¶ 8:44 PM 14 comments

  Insight Meditation In Buddhism the tool of insight meditation is called vipassana. Vipassana means to see penetratingly, with discrimination. It is a tool to effect change within oneself to make life more happy and peaceful. Vipassana is used to reprogram the mind to think more skillfully for our benefit and welfare. It is the ability to see things exactly as they are.

Vipassana is best done immediately after a period of mindfulness of breathing meditation (anapanasati) to calm the mind down and to get rid of the noise. As an analogy, imagine that OCD is safe in harbour but there is a stormy sea raging between us and that harbour. It is out of reach of us and thus hurls its obsessions and compulsions at us from its base of safety. Practicing anapanasati is like calming that storm down so that we may sail to that harbour to challenge it on its front doorstep.

To use a computer analogy, suppose that we have to fix something deep down at the BIOS level of our computer. What we have to do is to reboot the computer. This shuts down the high level operating system, so that we can gain access to the BIOS to do our work. The BIOS is the fundamental input and output system which affects all areas of the computing experience. Practicing anapanasati is like the process of rebooting the computer and vipassana is like programming the BIOS. In vipassana meditation, we have to go to a similarly deep level in the mind to do our work to bring about change from within.

So, after we have calmed our minds down with anapanasati, we are ready to begin vipassana. Up to now, our focus has been on our breathing. Now we begin to observe the whole of our experience, both bodily and mental. Our job is just to observe without interfering, without augmenting or diminishing anything. Our role is that of the "Impartial Spectator" as described by Dr. Schwartz. Whatever thoughts that arise in the mind, whatever sensations that arise in the body, subtle or gross, pleasurable or discomforting, we just observe with equanimity. Equanimity means without showing like or dislike for that which arises.

As we observe, we keep in mind the three characteristics which I spoke about yesterday of anicca (inconstancy), anatta (ownerlessness) and dukkha (unsatisfactoriness). As we observe a thought, whether it is an OCD related thought or not, we think "yes, this too is inconstant; this too is not me, mine or my self; this too cannot be counted on for satisfaction". In the beginning, you may have to express yourself in words like this silently to yourself, but with time, you will just label all thoughts and sensations simply as "Anicca.., Anatta..., Dukkha...".

Why do we do this in terms of the three characteristics? Why don't we cut straight to the chase and go with "OCD can go get lost! OCD can go get lost!"? Well, for one reason, if we get rid of one thing, we must have something to replace it with. If we shout out for OCD to go get lost, then our brains will throw its hands in the air and say "ok, so if no OCD, then what?". Nature abhors a vacuum, so does the brain. Secondly, down at this level, the brain has great difficulty distinguishing between what is OCD and what isn't. Its native language is feelings and perceptions, this is not the cerebral cortex we're dealing with here. Telling our mind at this level to pay no attention to OCD will evoke a response like "OCD? What does that feel like again?". And that is the problem in our lives isn't it?

This is why we use anicca, anatta and dukkha. These three concepts are like pieces of kryptonite to hang around the neck of OCD's superman. We may not be able to kick OCD's butt directly, but the kryptonite will do the job for us just as well. So we have to observe anything which arises, both physical and mental as anicca, anatta and dukkha. This is because as I said before, the deepest levels of the mind cannot clearly distinguish between what is OCD and what isn't and also the boundaries between what is physical and what is mental also start to blur into each other at this level. Therefore, we must directly see anicca, anatta and dukkha in all things which we observe in our meditation.

Due to the low level at which vipassana works, these new ideas will start to permeate automatically into all areas and aspects of our conscious existence higher up. We will begin to understand from a deep level what the true character of our experiences are. Then in daily life, when obsessions and compulsions appear, we will realise at a deep level that they are impermanent in nature (anicca), not originating from us (anatta) and that we will derive no satisfaction from acting out compulsions (dukkha). Then OCD will die a thousand deaths every day. One day it will be utterly beaten. May that day be soon for all of us. As a by-product of our work, we will find that all other areas of our lives are enriched by our new wisdom and that the rest of our suffering and stress in life is either reduced or eliminated as well.

You will not see the benefits of meditation overnight. It must be done regularly and consistently for as long as it takes. Ideally you should set aside a quiet period once a day away from your normal duties to practice. Practice will bring benefits almost immediately however as has been demonstrated by countless people all over the world for thousands of years. I totally believe that it will too for us OCD sufferers.

It would be good if you could read some more information about vipassana. Also of interest may be this online interview which Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz gave in which he talks about vipassana. Though you can begin your practice by reading instructions, it would be a good idea to seek the guidance of a qualified teacher on a course. Here are a couple of links to some vipassana courses, there are many others in this country.

Dhamma Dipa Vipassana Meditation Centre
Amaravati Buddhist Monastery

I have been to the first one twice now and I intend to go to the second one soon. Please remember that if you are suffering from clinical depression or a debilitating mental illness such as this, then please consult a medical professional before embarking on a meditation course. Otherwise, there is no harm in trying this out for yourself to see if it can help your condition.

Metta,
John

  ¶ 9:26 PM 141 comments

  Brain Lock-n-Load I said in my first blog about meditation that there were two main aims. The first of these aims, calming the mind through mindfulness of breathing I wrote about yesterday. The second aim is the attainment of insight into the nature of the mind and the body. The tool used to effect this is the Buddhist meditation technique of Vipassana. I will write about Vipassana tomorrow but today I would like to do a preamble on some of the concepts on which it is based. These concepts to the layperson seem a bit abstruse and I was wondering how I was going to present them.

However, the answer was right in my face. These concepts, of which there are three, are to be found in the Four Steps by Dr. Schwartz in his book Brain Lock. For those who haven't read this great book, I would highly recommend it. You can read a brief summary of the Four Steps on the OCD-UK website here. I bought this book many years ago and it has helped me tremendously.

The first concept is embodied in the 15-minute rule from the Four Steps. When you have a compulsion, you are advised to try to resist it for 15 minutes. The idea is to separate the ritual from the obsession causing it. The longer you separate the two, the weaker the compulsion should get. It is impossible for the discomfort to remain the same forever, it will decrease all on its own. In Buddhism, the property that anything which arises will eventually pass away is called anicca. Anicca states that all things in nature are inconstant and subject to change.

The second concept is to be found in the battle cry "It's not me, it's my OCD!". In Brain Lock, Dr. Schwartz encourages us to regard OCD as "false thoughts". We do not have to think of our OCD thoughts as belonging to us or a part of us at all. They are to be treated as ownerless. In Buddhism this property of being ownerless is called anatta. Our OCD behaviours are not our self and so we should not be too concerned about them just as we would not be that concerned about someone else's property and possessions.

The last concept is touched upon in the Revalue Step in Brain Lock. Over time as you begin to win skirmishes over OCD, you will begin to see that all the little thoughts, obsessions and compulsions have no inherent value or satisfactoriness. We thus place less emphasis on them in our daily lives. We begin to see that succumbing to a compulsion may provide temporary satisfaction, but that satisfaction will be gone when the next obsession arrives. Thus the nature of compulsive behaviours are unsatisfactory because they do not lead to permanent relief. In Buddhism, this property of unsatisfactoriness is called dukkha.

As I have said in a previous blog, logical reasoning makes for a very blunt weapon against the armour of OCD, but with Vipassana meditation as our artillery cannon and anicca, anatta and dukkha as our armour-piercing ordnance, we at last have a weapon that makes even OCD tremble in its boots! So let's lock 'n load Baby! Tomorrow we take the war right onto OCD's front doorstep.

Metta,
John  ¶ 8:18 PM 5 comments

  Mindfulness of Breathing Yesterday, I wrote about what meditation essentially is. Today, I hope to cover the area of attaining calmness of the mind. Having a calm mind is very beneficial, especially to us sufferers of OCD. As we practice to attain a calm mind, we find that the calmer it gets, the more concentrated it gets naturally. In Buddhist meditation, a calm mind is the same thing as a concentrated mind.

Imagine a wild elephant. It goes here, it goes there. It goes wherever it pleases because it has never been tamed. Its immense power is thus spread over a wide area and unharnessed. Once we have tamed the elephant and calmed it down, then we can use its power in a controlled manner to effective use. It then becomes a useful friend instead of a dangerous enemy.

An untrained, uncoordinated mind is very much like that wild elephant. We may be physically peeling potatoes, but in our minds we are on a romantic cruise down the river. We get through the day like this, one fleeting thought to the next. The funny thing is, we don't even realise we are doing it. Once we calm the mind down and concentrate its power, then we can put it to good use, for example in pulling down the walls built up by OCD one brick at a time.

The most common form of Buddhist meditation to achieve a calm mind is called anapanasati which in Pali means "Mindfulness of Breathing". This is a very important meditation technique. In fact, one of the five celebration days in the Buddhist calendar is Anapanasati Day which next year falls on November 5th. It is to commemorate the day that the Buddha first gave instructions on how to do anapanasati some 2500 years ago.

In brief, in anapanasati, we find a quiet place, sit down in a comfortable position with straight backs and start to focus our attention on the sensations caused by our natural breathing. We can choose the rising and falling of our abdomen or the sensation of air passing through our nostrils. Once we decide which part of the breathing process we wish to concentrate on, we keep our minds rooted to that spot. The mind can only think of one object at a time and here we choose that object as our own breathing.

A beginner will find that probably within a few seconds, his or her mind will start to wander away to something else, it is a natural habit. The meditator then gently coerces the mind back onto the breath and keeps it there for as long as possible before it starts to wander again. In half an hour, the mind may wander away like this dozens or even hundreds of times. The meditator must not get annoyed with himself or herself, but try to realise when wandering has occured and gently bring the mind back to the breath. After a while, a deep sense of calm and peace starts to pervade the mind.

It is good if we can practice this daily, say for 15 minutes to begin with. Over time, we will find that it gets easier and we can do it for longer. We will find that our minds become calmer, even after meditation and that it is more natural to fully concentrate on anything that we choose. This mental strength will become very useful when we go head to head against the gorilla of OCD.

Let me use another analogy to help show the point. OCD is like a wolf who has come to attack a flock of sheep in a pen at night. When the wolf jumps into the flock, the sheep scatter in all directions. To an unprepared mind, when OCD jumps into the fray, all other thoughts are dislodged and scatter in all directions. Resistance to the threat is thereby substantially reduced.

Now, instead of a flock of sheep, imagine there is a herd of wildebeest. Wildebeest concentrate in numbers for safety when moving. They do not scatter like sheep and even lions have to be a bit cautious lest they be trampled on. Imagine the look on the wolf's face after he has entered the pen only to find a mass of wildebeest charging at him instead of the sheep! This herd of wildebeest is like a concentrated mind stamping out the delusion of OCD.

I would suggest that you read some more information on anapanasati here and then try to give it a go yourself. Start gently without any expectations or pressure on yourself. You have a whole lifetime to master this wonderful technique! As a small caution, if you are suffering from clinical depression or a mental illness like schizophrenia then please consult a professional before embarking on a meditation programme. If you are worried about certain aspects of the technique or want further clarification then please get in touch with a qualified meditation teacher. If done properly according to the instructions, then no problems should arise.

Metta,
John

  ¶ 1:49 PM 25 comments

  What is Meditation? Before I knew any better, I had some wonderful ideas about what meditation was. The pictures in my head were of wise old men on mountain tops or robe clad monks in picturesque valleys. Certainly it wasn't something that I envisaged myself doing or was capable of.

What I found out is that meditation is practiced by all sorts of people in all sorts of ways. Some people do it cross-legged on the floor, some sitting in a chair. Some people close their eyes, some have them open. Some people do it quietly, while some chant mantras. Meditation can be done outdoors in the countryside or it can be done indoors in a city flat. It can be done by very old people while being so simple that a child could do it.

The second misconception I had was what the goal of meditation was. I thought that it was a spiritual communion with a universal mind or something like that. For Buddhist meditation, this is most definately not the case. In fact, one could say that it is not really a spiritual exercise at all, but a set of mental exercises to improve one's mental health. It has no religious connotations and so can be done by anybody from any religious background.

Meditation is a methodical and concerted effort to develop the qualities of calmness and also insight into the mind and body. These qualities are beneficial to a peaceful and productive daily life and lead to the development of strong mindfulness. Dr. Schwartz has said that mindfulness is a key attribute to have in his four steps programme. A daily meditation session can hone your powers of mindfulness which is a skill much in the same way as driving a car is a skill. You did not start driving just like that but you had training and practice in regular sessions before it became like second nature.

If you practice meditation daily, then you will find it easier to remain mindful when OCD comes calling at your door. Beginners can start off doing about 5 minutes a day. The amount of time can then be slowly increased. Most people eventually look for ways of making time for their meditation practice as they enjoy it more and more. I find that I can do about half an hour comfortably in one sitting and up to an hour if I need more practice.

So, in summary, Buddhist meditation boils down to two main goals, which are to attain calmness of mind and secondly to develop insight into the nature of mind and body. Tomorrow, let's talk about the first of these goals and show how attaining a calm mind can help us in the fight against OCD.

Metta,
John

  ¶ 8:19 PM 5 comments

  Metta The title of this blog entry, metta, is a Pali word. It has no direct meaning in English but is usually translated as the compound word loving-kindness. Metta is an attitude of friendliness and the genuine wish for the welfare of others. It is not selfish but is given without any thought of receiving anything in return, much like the protection that a mother gives her child. The definition that I like is:

Essentially metta is an altruistic attitude of love and friendliness as distinguished from mere amiability based on self-interest.

We are also not limited to showing metta towards people. We can also show metta to animals and also other things in Nature. It occurred to me the other day that I could show metta towards my own OCD. I had some initial doubts about this, because I have always regarded my OCD as an enemy. I shouldn't be validating an enemy should I?

I have learnt from books and I have found it true from my own personal experience that the more anger and hate I give an idea or thought the more it digs itself in. It becomes harder to remove than if I just turned a blind eye to it. The anger and heat of emotion empowers the thought. The more I despise it, the more obtrusive it becomes.

Maybe showing my OCD some metta, while not curing it, will help to at least pacify it so that it may be more easily dislodged. If I have a sore throat, rather than cursing my misfortune, I try to show it a bit of metta and kindness, then it seems to make the whole experience seem less of a pain. Maybe it will work with obssessive thoughts as well? I am going to see how it goes.

I am going to sign off now the way many Buddhists sign letters, with a simple wish for you and your family's good health and happiness both now and in the future.

Metta,
John  ¶ 9:20 PM 3 comments

  The Five Aggregates From the time that I knew I had OCD, I have had a keen interest in things like psychology and how the mind works. I have read many popular self-help books, most of which were about the benefits of positive mental attitude. These have been very helpful to me and I would say that they are partly responsible for keeping me on the straight and narrow all these years.

There is also much that Buddhism can offer to the student of the mind. 2500 years ago, the Buddha categorised human experience into five divisions or "aggregates". The study of these can lead to insights which may help us in our quest to reduce our stresses. In brief, the five aggregates are our:

1. bodies (our physical manifestation)
2. feelings (our pleasant, unpleasant or neutral sensations)
3. perceptions (our memory and our ability to identify objects)
4. mental formations (our ability to form complex ideas and mental objects)
5. consciousness (our ability to note things as they happen around us)

Buddhists believe that the key to easing stress in our lives is in our relationships to each of these aggregates. The more we identify with them as being synonymous with our "selves", the more we are subject to stress and suffering. For example, our bodies will grow old with time. If we cling to our body and think of it as a constant, immutable possession of ours, we will end up causing anxiety for ourselves sooner or later.

The same goes for the other four aggregates. If we cling to them by thinking of them as unchanging phenomena, then we experience stress when they inevitably do change. Everything changes, it is a law of nature. If we look all around us, things are in a constant state of change and flux, from the four seasons to the birth and death of people.

As an OCD sufferer, I know all too well how this process of clinging causes immense stress. When I have an obssession, I cling to a mental object and do not let go of it. It is only after maybe doing a compulsion that I loosen my grip on the object. This object can be the thought of contamination or it could be a fear that I've harmed someone. The mind clings on and won't let go.

The Buddha refers to the idea of clinging-aggregates when talking about that which causes us stress and suffering in our lives. The following quote is taken from the first discourse given by the Buddha and it is very important because it defines the first of Four Noble Truths which form the cornerstones of Buddhist practice.

"Now this, monks, is the noble truth of stress: Birth is stressful, aging is stressful, death is stressful; sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair are stressful; association with the unbeloved is stressful, separation from the loved is stressful, not getting what is wanted is stressful. In short, the five clinging-aggregates are stressful."

- Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta (SN LVI.11)

  ¶ 8:19 PM 2 comments

  Wisdom So we are standing in front of the wash basin. The tap gets turned on and the soap bar is picked up. We scrub our hands vigourously and rinse with water. We dry our hands on the towel. Maybe we will do it a few more times just so that it feels right.

What happens if we try to restrain ourselves from doing this ritual? If we refuse to turn on the water, what goes through our minds? We know that our hands are dirty and contaminated. They need to be washed. They must be washed. Where do these thoughts come from? Did somebody tell you that you had to do this? Not usually, I can't remember the last time somebody told me to go wash my hands.

Did we make a conscious, informed decision to wash our hands? Not for me. In fact, if I stop to think about it, the rational side of me tells me that my hands are totally clean and do not need to be washed at all.

What's left then? I don't know about anybody else, but for me, the urge to wash comes from deep down in my gut somewhere. I just know that my hands are dirty. Where this knowledge or feeling comes from, I have no idea. What I do know is that I have it, and it can be very intense. Wouldn't it be great if we could supplant these wrong thoughts with correct thoughts that were more in line with reality?

Over the years, I have known the futility of trying to use cold reason with my OCD. I tried desisting from my rituals on the basis that they were illogical. However, logic is a blunt weapon against the armour of OCD. At the most, we can batter the monster back into its hiding place, but it will come back later with a vengeance when we have dropped our guard again.

Logic belongs in the domain of cintamaya-panna. But this is not where the OCD monster makes its den. To find this beast's lair, we must go down deeper than the surface level. We must go all the way down to where bhavanamaya-panna operates. OCD is like a submarine and we are on the surface in a gunboat. Firing our cannons will be useless, we must use the depth charges to take it out.

It is clear to me that to stand a good chance against OCD, we need to point our attention towards what is under the conscious mind. I don't know what subterranean monsters lie in wait, but I don't care, I won't let some upstart bully pull me down any more. Fortunately for us, we are not alone. Even though the Buddha is no longer here with us, his teachings are.

The three Pali words which I spoke about yesterday have the same root word, panna, which means wisdom. The highest wisdom is knowledge of the ways things really are. It is totally against the defiled view of reality which OCD paints for us. Within the Buddhist teachings, we have clear and precise instructions on how we can pass true knowledge of the way things actually are, or panna, to that part of our minds which is normally hidden below the surface.

  ¶ 8:41 PM 3 comments

  In the Know There are some things that you know, then there are some things that you really know. Think of your closest friend. If you don't have a close friend, then think of a parent or a favourite pet. Does your friend like you? How do you know? You just know it. You don't have to recall the nice things that your friend has done for you and deduce it logically. You have a deep down gut level of knowing that it is true.

There are other levels of knowing. For example, you know that the Earth is a member of the solar system. This system has the Sun at its centre and the other planets orbiting around it. We learnt this in school from text books written by astronomers who studied these things. I bet that few of us have actually seen all the planets through a telescope. We know these facts not through direct experience, but through the wisdom of others.

Here is an analogy which I really like. A new restaurant has just opened up in town. A friend of yours, whose opinion you trust, has eaten there and tells you how good the food is. You have no reason to doubt her, so now you know that it is a good restaurant. This is the first level of knowing, that which is gained from a reliable source, such as a friend, teacher or a book.

You decide to go to the restaurant in person. You sit down at the table and look through the menu. The choice certainly looks good and the other patrons have happy faces and seem to be enjoying the food. You logically deduce from what you observe that the restaurant is a good one. This the second level of knowing, that which is gained through application of one's intellectual faculty on the data at hand.

You order a dish from the menu. You wait in anticipation for the food to arrive. When it comes, the waiter puts it in front of you. You take your fork, break off a piece and put it into your mouth. Ahhh, it's delicious! Now you really know that it is a good restaurant. This is the last level of knowing, that which is gained through direct experience of phenomena.

These three levels of knowing are described in the Buddhist texts as sutamaya-panna, cintamaya-panna and bhavanamaya-panna respectively. These words come from the ancient language of Pali which is used to record the Buddha's teachings. Buddhist monks today still chant services in Pali.

How can we apply this to our OCD lives? Well, here is an exercise for us to do. The next time we have an OCD thought, try to classify it under one of the three levels of knowing. When we "know" that our hands are dirty or that we have harmed somebody, is it sutamaya-panna, cintamaya-panna or bhavanamaya-panna? Try to do this with as many of your thoughts, both OCD and non-OCD, as possible. Let us discuss next time why this categorisation will be important in the search for a respite from OCD.

John  ¶ 9:06 PM 3 comments

  The Buddha
At that time, I knew very little about who the Buddha was. I knew that many people had statues depicting the the sitting Buddha. In some countries like Thailand, there are huge outdoor statues like the one in the picture on the right. I thought that the Buddha was worshipped like a divine being much in the same way that Christians pray to God.

I very quickly learnt that the Buddha never claimed to be a god, or even a messenger from a god. He was a human being like the rest of us. In fact, in the period after his passing away, there were no statues erected in his image. The symbol used to honour him was an empty chair to signify that he had left. It was only after much later that certain cultures began to build statues to remind themselves of the Buddha.

The Buddha was born in the year 623 B.C. in the district of Nepal as an Indian Sakya Prince named Siddhattha Gotama. He was raised in luxury from childhood to the age of 29. He then decided to renounce his wordly possessions and title to pursue the goal to the problem of suffering which he saw around him. Six years later, sitting under a Bodhi tree, he attained perfect enlightenment and became a Buddha. He was not born a Buddha ("Buddha" meaning Awakened One), but attained this state through his own diligent striving. The methods he discovered of achieving this great goal form the basis of Buddhism which have been handed down over the last 2500 years. To get a more complete account of his life story, please go to chapter one of the link "Buddhism in a Nutshell" which I have put on the right.

As a sufferer of OCD I began to ask questions. Could the Buddha's teachings help me? Was OCD covered in the scope of suffering which was addressed in Buddhism? Was Buddhism still relevant as a cure to suffering in this day and age of medications and psychiatry? Who was this historical figure that so many people adore all around the world? Could an obsession ridden, angst-driven man today learn something from this great man who lived 2500 years ago in a remote land far away?

Was there a redemption from the madness of OCD?  ¶ 1:33 PM 1 comments

  My Story Hi, my name is John. I have had contamination fears for most of my life. I am afraid of contaminants getting into my home and infecting my stuff. I am also a bit paranoid that other people are out to contaminate me on purpose, though goodness knows what that purpose would be. I am a hand-washer and this is my primary ritual, though vacuuming is coming a close second I am lucky that the severity of my OCD is not absolutely debilitating and I have managed to keep it a secret from most people.

Like most OCD sufferers, I wanted a way out of this nightmare. There had to be more to life then standing next to the wash basin all day. I went to my GP who prescribed me some anti-depressants. I think I tried prozac, paxil and another one as well. He put me in touch with a psychiatrist who I went to see a few times. I felt that neither my GP nor the psychiatrist really understood what I was going through. They seemed to know hardly more than a few minutes light reading on the topic. I felt that I knew much more on both a conceptual level and of course by direct experience than either of them. So I stopped going to the pyshciatrist. Eventually I stopped taking the medications as well because I could not discern any effects, apart from that they seemed to make my pupils really dilate which made it seem kind of weird looking at myself in the mirror.

I had obtained a copy of Brain Lock by Dr. Schwartz and thought that it was highly interesting indeed. I thought that the techniques in this book held a lot of promise and I still do. It wasn't long before I started noticing the connection of the contents of this book to Buddhism. I do not recall how precisely the link was made but one day I found a website which gave a summary of the tenets of Buddhism. I was immediately fascinated. The goals of Buddhism were so congruent to my own goals at the time, namely to find a solution to the problem of my mental suffering.

Up to this point, I knew next to nothing about Buddhism. I was like most people in the UK, being that I had a broadly Christian-centric education but I never went to Church unless it was for things like weddings and such. I guess I would have ticked the Christianity box on the religion question in forms, but all in all I got on with my life with religion very much in the background.

That was about a year and a half ago. Since then I have been on a journey of self-discovery which I am very excited about. My aim in starting this blog was to have a chance to share some of the insights and gems that I have picked up from other people along the way. I believe that within Buddhism, there is a path and technique which may help people who suffer from OCD to make life more manageable.

May you experience peace within yourself and may you come out of all of your sufferings.

John  ¶ 2:22 PM 5 comments